No matter how hard he tries to act like a well-adjusted, normal member of society, Kanye West is still about as much use as a jelly steering wheel, pretty much everyone in the world agreed last night.
The damning verdict followed news that West, the third richest utter moron in North America after David Lee Roth and the one out of My Two Dads who isn't Charlie Sheen, has turned to twitter “because interviewers were ruining [his] jokes”.
Whether Twitter will enable his usual mix of dog poo jokes and long sprawling yarns that go nowhere will actually work on the micro-blogging site remains to be seen. However, with 600,000 followers already West appears to be planning to utilise the laws of average to his advantage.
A source close to the worryingly unhinged rapper producer said, “If you keep battering large amounts of people with awful, tasteless jokes, eventually someone will mis-read one of them and mistakenly type 'lol' or something.”
“I reckon when that happens he'll probably get bored and go back to his usual routine of howling at the moon and that”
“West has been trying to maintain a public façade of sanity for some years now, but he keeps slipping up” said industry observer Jose Carvelez.
“One day he'll be walking around talking loudly into his clearly switched off phone in an attempt to look like people actually want to talk to him, then the next day he'll be driving his Lincoln Navigator up and down the sunset boulevard literally flinging his own faeces at pensioners
“Clearly the man is a danger to himself and others”
In other news, following last years casual destruction of Mr. Hudson's admittedly tenuous credibility, Kanye West intends to auto-tune Bon Iver's Justin Vernon into “obscurity in yet another hilariously ill-judged foray into 'proper music'.” according to pals of West.
They added, “What a cunt.”
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