Police in Birmingham have taken to the streets with a 20-foot screen in the hopes that it will lure rioters back onto the streets and, ultimately, into custody.
The van is used in conjunction with a giant cage which, much like a sheep-pen or rat-trap is used to contain packs of wild poor people as they chase the giant screen through the streets. The lure/trap combination has had remarkable success so far with a staggering 10 track-suited, angry proletarians already in custody for trying to prise the screen from the side of the van with crowbars.
Birmingham resident and theft enthusiast Pete Walford said, “I’ve hardly left the house since I was spotted pinching some snickers from a petrol station on Monday but, well, look at that shit. I’ve got half a mind to grab my screwdriver and get out there.
“It’s massive innit. Imagine how good Call Of Duty would look running through that.”
The screen, currently strapped onto the side on a Mercedes Sprinter in Birmingham’s notoriously crime ridden Moss Side district boasts HD resolution and can reportedly be adapted for use with stolen Xbox’s for around £30.
Birmingham Police have furthered the appeal of the screen to would-be looters by displaying pictures of looters as they drive around the slums of Moss Side. In a move suspected to be an attempt to appeal to the poor’s notorious love for shows such as Big Brother, The Only Way Is Essex and X Factor, the pictures lure would be thieves into thinking they are famous and, as follows such delusions, allowed to get away with anything.
Criminal Psychologist Dane Wolchalski said, “It may seems strange that the mere promise of instant fame would drive a potential rioter to crime, but look at Britain’s Got Talent.
“The show’s whole premise is based on the fact that if you give a moron a little taste of fame they will do outrageous things for the smallest of incentives. All the police have done here is harness that for the sake of entrapment.
“And isn’t that what policing’s all about?
He added, “Probably.”
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