A roughly assembled troupe of caped crusaders has announced plans to battle the forces of evil in Essex this week after publishing a manifesto pledging to tackle 'asbos, single mothers and that' with an assortment of revolutionary crime-fighting techniques.
The move is apparantly a reaction to news from Seattle, US that a troupe of similarly inspired and comparably ill-prepared gang of lunatics has undertaken a similar ambition, with hilariously poor results.
In the hastily drawn up manifesto, written largely on torn up scraps of emabassy cigarette packets, the gang of enterprising do-gooders have spelled out, in painfull detail, their plans for the streets of romford.
Techniques such as pie flinging, impromptu hangings of homosexuals and imigrants and a renewed focus on baiting 'the coloureds down the road' will go hand in hand with an increased commitment to increasing the low level hostility for so long cherished in the darker depths of Essex.
A press conference to promote the activities of the five brave young bigot-cum-heroes has been provisionally arranged for the function room out the back of the Dog and Duck, Romford high street.
'Anyone's welcome to come' states self-professed leader of the gang , John 'Knuckles' Smith, on thier endearingly amatueurish website.
'...Providing they're not... you know... darkies and that.
'And no Jews, obviously. but then, i reckon that sort of goes without saying.
'Oh, and no gays, blacks, hispanics, women, dogs or unemployed.'
'In fact... well, no one but us, the press and the bird from behind the bar with the huge knockers.
He added, in an aside to a nearby Spaniard, 'No offence Paulo... you understand though right?'.
No comments:
Post a Comment