FAIL: The end of the Seventy Free (and other less appropriately numbered bendy buses)
So long to exhilarating British bus journeys. Not long ago we would jump aboard the bendy monstrosities with glee, the distance to our final destination punctuated with furious adrenaline rushes as we frantically scanned at every press of the breaks, eyeing menacing pedestrians sporting hints of neon yellow.
Remember the knowing bond built with your fellow passengers as you simultaneously lunged to scan your invariably depleted oyster cards? No more can we live on the edge, we are Johnny clock-checker, just one in an endless stream of monotonous beeps.
WIN: Angry Birds
In 2010 a fine game of physics was born. We treasured every second spent catapulting those obese angry birds, safe in the knowledge that the vast hours focused on analysing the consistency of their vertical acceleration, assessing the variables of their velocity and considering the resistance of the trusty slingshot, allowed us to gain an understanding of natural science that Hawking would shudder at.
After a crash course in matter and motion, the pigs would fall victim to our carefully projected poultry time after time. Epic satisfaction, bless their beaks.
WIN - WIN: A Police station on Overbury Road
The prevailing local rumour of 2010 proved true – a win in principle for the pesky old bill. However, the resplendent blue lights failed to inhibit the rampant motherfuckery on Overbury Road. Win.
FAIL: Being a Dickhead's Cool
First, for being overplayed by idiots (not its fault, it was funny once). More importantly, for encouraging said idiots to compile lists of items they were 'guilty' of before poorly feigning embarrassment as follows; 'Oh dear, I must have been to at least three warehouse raves this year, and I once lived in Bethnal Green. I guess that sort of makes me a dickhead.' I know what you're trying to say mate, but you are an obscene try-hard, and trying is never cool. Also, your tattoo is shit. FAIL.
WIN: Black Beards
The frosty beverage that has warmed our winter. If you haven't been treated to this fine cocktail consisting of 1/4 dark rum, 2/4 Coca-Cola, 1/4 Guinness Draught, you have missed out. Best consumed in winter months - January and February hold great promise. Slurrrrp!
FAIL: Inception
Famously dismissed by revered film critic, Gary Battle, for being 'a bit proud of itself', the only achievement of this nonsensical spiral of shite was to inspire one outstanding episode of South Park. Well done, I suppose.
WIN: Wikileaks
Dominating the headlines of 2010 were 'leaks' distributed by Julian Assange and co. This phenomenon represents an unprecedented power shift and, although raising questions in terms of responsibility in assimilating and distributing such volumes of sensitive information, Wikileaks has no doubt shaken the powers that be, hopefully signalling a new era of accountability to a now global, connected democracy.
WIN: Microsoft
For Kinect, because it's the future. And Bill Gates for still riding the bus http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NONo10bU67M.
WIN: Caribou
The new direction taken in this year's Swim was a welcome evolution. Involvement from Four Tet's Kieran Hebdon is evident although the album retains a strong identity of its own, with simpler waves of layering and fluid instrumentation distinct from Hebdon's intricate, choppy, swarthing sound.
Flawless haunting melodies are complimented by soft, thumping bass, and dark and ethereal themes flow throughout.
While influences range from house, tribal, electro and pop, the album retains a consistency that is a tribute to it's creator.
Each track is accompanied by a select scattering of lyrics which, when present, always compliment the tracks and never overpower.
Odessa and Kaili are stand-out tracks of the year.
FAIL: Munting (or Munging)
Disgusting. http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=munting
But! Try using it in puns, the joy is endless! Take, for example, film titles: Good Will Munting, Broke Back Munting, Munters Inc., Munty Python, and so on. Excellent.
WIN: Standon Calling Festival
Small enough capacity, big enough acts, with Buena Vista Social Club, Metronomy, Etienne de Crecy, Efterklang, Casiokids, Liars, The Phenomonal Handclap Band, Pantha Du Prince and, of course, Fran and Josh. Even the high child count didn't stand in its way.
More than enough toilets and showers, catering was top with Lucy's Toasties doing a roaring trade, and Alcatraz, with its fantastic prison-themed chill-out rooms, wedged in a tight alley between two towering brick walls, may be the best club ever.
That is all. Happy New Year!
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