Wednesday, 29 December 2010

Flu outbreak to mutate into 'zombie virus' by February.


The ever-escalating controversy over the spread of the H1N1 flu virus continued this morning as experts predicted that the virus is likely to 'go nuclear' within a month.

Experts predict that a rogue mutation, similar to the one responsible for the bird flu pandemic last year will be responsible for the new virus, which looks set to increase the number of shopping mall/shotgun capers by 5000% this spring.

Dr Neil Frazer, Government adviser on diseases and outbreaks said in a statement yesterday, 'The question of the flu virus turning people into flesh-hungry zombies is no longer a case of 'if' but 'when'.'

'We saw it happen with bird flu... Random mutations led to new strains. This will be much the same, albeit with a bit more flesh-eating.

'Look, i dont want to alarm you but it's going to happen. You might as well stock up on shotguns and tinned food now, it's zombie apocalypse time alright'

The statement will no doubt raise further questions about the eficacy of the government's decision to recruit its advisers from street corners, crack houses and soup kitchens, a move justified by the government as 'necessary cost-cuttting'.

David Cameron was unavailable for comment.

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