Hanging, lynch mobs and mass deportations heralded as ‘the future’ by coalition.

The public consultation proposals set forth by the government today will lead to the country being run by ‘the crazy, crazy public’ according to whistleblowers.

The moves, which aim to submit any popular petition posted on direct.gov.uk as a draft bill, have been criticized as ‘X factor Governance’ by observers.

And with half the country only just being aware what a newspaper is, and the other half pretty much believing everything the daily mail screams at them, the moves look certain to condemn the country to a future of endless debates about paedophiles and Simon Cowell: A disaster which the coalition government appears to be welcoming with open arms.

‘Yeah, basically we’ve lost the plot’ said a government minister yesterday.

‘It was either let the public come up with policy advice for us or, face up to the fact that we are too insane to do our own fucking jobs, and we can’t have that can we?

He added, ‘ Are you going to eat that sandwich?’

Dangerous Racists like xenophobic taxi driver Seth Ryan seem to support the move however.

‘Anything that gives me a platform for my deranged views on literally anything can only be a good move', he said, in between hurling garbled abuse at single mothers from the drivers seat of his black cab.

‘After all, it’s us normal, god-fearing, racist people who make this country great. Why shouldn’t we have a voice in policy-making?’

Government observer Randle Mcmurphy said yesterday, ‘While i can appreciate that the government has to inovate to garner support in these trying times, this moves smacks of desperation.

‘What’s next? Asking the fucking French?’

He added, ‘Fuck it, I’m moving to Burma. Say what you like about the Junta, at least they know how to run a fucking country.’

Self control ‘next to go’ in austerity cuts.

Self control, moderation and common decency are all expected to be next in line for cuts in a range of new austerity measures planned for 2011, according to Government sources.

With the economy in tatters and people apparently increasingly unable to look after themselves anymore the proposals are being heralded by government observers as ‘the next logical step in a series of moves designed to slowly erode the moral constitution of an already disgusting country.’

The source of the cuts appears to be the office of government jester Vince Cable who is apparently attempting to consolidate his laughable position through increasingly bizarre policy moves.

Michael Emerson, moral adviser to the previous government said, ‘This sort of move is only to be expected.

‘The government simply cannot be expected to keep funding outdated concepts like self control. They are anachronistic hangovers to a bygone era.

‘While we’re at it what about generosity, social awareness and compassion?

‘I’m sure we could do without fucking compassion’

London based scumbag Andrew Clark said yesterday ‘I’m not really too bothered about it all to be honest. I’ve never really had much truck for self control anyway. Why just yesterday i drank non-stop for 12 hours, then woke up my entire family by tripping over the cat and shouting loudly at Match Of The Day.’

‘Any move to increase this sort of cavalier behaviour can only be a good thing’

He added, ‘Now, where’s my fucking meths?’