American support for potential presidential candidate Omar Suleiman is based on an altruistic, charitable desire to help the Egyptian people and not a desperate attempt to cling onto power in the increasingly anti-western country, a State Department spokesman insisted today.
Chuck Delaney, from the US office of Dictator Affairs said, “What are you talking about? Suileman is a fair, decent man. How dare you imply that we are trying to install a stooge?
“Fact of the matter is that the guy is a stand-up kinda of dude. The sort of fella you can rely on to provide exemplary health care, human rights conditions and infrastructure reform to a country yelling out for change.”
“And may I reiterate, once and for all, that he is absolutely not a patsy designed to toe our diplomatic line in a transparent attempt to keep getting the billions of military aid we intend to keep pumping into the country.”
“We don’t care one iota if he keeps supporting Israel’s horrific human rights record or backs us up whenever we whine about Iran.” said Delaney, while casually tossing a small, fez-wearing boy into a nearby furnace for warmth.
“All we care about is the welfare of the Eqyptian people.”
“Seriously”
The international community is not convinced however. Middle east reporter Clancy Ritchings said, “It’s pretty amazing that they think they can get away with it really. As head of Egyptian Intelligence, Sulleimen probably has more blood on his hands than any other Egyptian politician, Mubarak included.
“It’s like kicking out Hitler and installing Goebells”.
She added, “Seriously. What the fuck America?”
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