Ireland's most irritating man, Bono, has finally released financial reports of his pet philanthropic project 'Charity ONE', a half baked scam organisation apparently designed to gleam as much money out the hands of the Inland Revenue and into his greasy pockets.
The U2 singer and massive cunt has proudly announced to the world what a greedy little bastard he really is with details of the incredibly audacious tax dodge. After years of incessent moaning about how music pirates were reducing his income to that of the GDP of Switzerland and being on the forefront of any plan to help him and Lars Ulrich to earn any more money, Bono has recently figured out what scientologists have known all along: If you want to keep your cash away from the clutches of the taxman either form a religion or start a charity.
Bono, or Jesus as he likes to be called by his close friends, went with the charity idea after being informed by esteemed Nazi, the Pope Benedictus XVI that he is not, after all, the fucking messiah.
In 2008 Bono's charity took $14,993,873 in donations from the sort of idiots who still think the 80's was the best decade ever. Of that 14 million a collossal $184,732 was handed out to tramps, drug addicts and Joss Stone. The remainder was presumably used for promotional gifts; designer water bottles $15 bags of cocaine, pamphlets etc.
Oh and only $8Million to pay staff/Bono.
A source close to the star said "Yeah, Bono's been sending me bottles of water and cocaine in the post since 2008. The bastard also had little pamphlets explaining that African children need money or they would die. It was a total buzz kill but at least you could use the paper to snort a line."
Bono has been unavailable for comment due to his humanitarian commitments and we really do hope that his trip to North Korea will end up with us forgetting about him while he rots in a hole eating cockroaches and his own shit..
By Mo Elliot
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