Friday 17 September 2010

Punks panic as Sex Pistols reveal toiletries range.


Punk fans thoroughout the world were in turmoil today as it was revelaed that the sex pistols are to be endorsing a new range of perfumes, aftershaves and soaps: a move which industry insiders believe may compell fans of the genre to actually wash.

While many have slated the move as just another cynical, money-grabbing attempt to rake in a bit more coin for John Lydon's hair-plug fund, an increasing number of industry observers are specualting that the endorsement may in-fact be an attempt by the band to improve the hygeine of their fans by force.

Johnny Rotten, who famously used to wash his fans with his own magically cleansing spit, is reportedly rubbing his hands with glee at the prospect of looking down at a sea of fans who dont smell of piss, Pernod and black and cheap speed.

A source close to the aging punker said "Johnny's not really got any control of his gag reflex these days, i guess standing in amongst the fitlh of his notroiously grubby fans just doesnt appeal to the poor bloke anymore.

"He's always been pretty pro-active when it comes to sorting out problems... I guess this was just another one of his attmepts to take matters into his own hands."

The news has had mixed responses in the punk world.

Disgustingly unkempt punk fan Seth Darwell, from Rotherham said "I dont know who Lydon thinks he is but no-one- not my mum, not Johnny Thunders, not... well, not bloody no-one, can make me clean.

"Well, alright.. maybe my mum. She has got a delicate touch when it comes to sponge baths though."


John Lydon's toiletries range hits the shops later this year.

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