Hippies out as Eavis dictatorship reveals its true colours.
Organisers of legendary music festival, Glastonbury, this month relaunched the U2 headline rumour that threatened to bring the 2010 event to its knees, only to fortify the ploy with an arduous online registration process promising to reject anyone fun on the basis of looks alone.
‘What kind of photos are unacceptable?’ poses the registration webpage, an array of options strewn below. ‘Well, this one, I hope’, one reflects, recoiling in horror at the initial offering (right) only to realise a neon green tick imposed on the offensive image. If that is the calibre of character getting in, I for one am out.
“I’m never going to Glastonbury again” ranted War Bastard guitarist, War Bastard. “Unless I’m playing I don’t give a shit, innit.”
Restrictions are plentiful and resistance is futile. Despite being at the core of the event’s rich history, if the official website is to be believed this year the crusty kind will be shunned. ‘Please do not wear hats, matted hair or anything that covers your face’.
‘Please ensure you have a neutral expression with your mouth closed and eyes open, looking directly at the camera’. Compliance with these standards is clearly not within the capacity of the class of festival-goer we all know and love.
Renowned Glastonbury critic and dickhead, Will Byrne, is outraged. Fresh from a visit to the festival website he fumed “This impenetrable registration process is worse than braving brambles and toothless security guards for two days, although God forbid you might miss Bono again this year. Cunts”.
Tickets go on sale on 3 October. Failure to follow the registration instructions correctly will lead to rejection.
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