Monday 17 January 2011

New CNN scapegoat deal welcomed by Americans, Morgan.


America rejoiced en masse today at news of a shiny new Brit at whom to direct their red hot, anti-British ire.

Hot on the footseps of America's whipping-boy-du-jour Tony Hayward, comes our very own press maggot Piers Morgan.

Morgan, keen to take the hate-baton from the disgraced former BP chief, is apprantly chomping at the bit to break the American chat show market in his new role as head of CNN's primetime show, previously hosted by chat show heavyweight Larry King.

Fully on course for just the sort of success that the American people are going to take to like a catholic minister to a fully developed woman, he is, by all accounts positively relishing the hatred.

A source close to the star said last night, "Oh yeah, Piers is all over this one. The fucker seems to just love people burning effigies of him and whatnot, so this new role will fit him like a fucking glove.

"He was telling me last night, 'I fucking hate the yanks and, with god's will, they will fucking hate me before long'

"Now, im not saying that this is necessarily a healthy outlook but... shit, he's really stuck to his guns on the whole world-baiting thing.

"If nothing else at least he's consistent."

The hatred of the american people looks set to be even more special in the wake of Ricky Gervais' controversial speech at the Golden Globe ceremony last night in which the podgy funnyman managed to alienate prety much every single easy target celebrity in the packed auditorium in one fell swoop.

"Gervais aint shit on our Piers" said the source though.

" You wait... the rate he's going at the moment he'll be dead by Easter."

...

In other news, rumours that Piers has been in secret coaching with the UK's latest Most Irritating Man 'Lee Nelson' are as yet unfounded.

However, the pal of Morgan did confirm that Nelson is 'a massive cunt' and that we 'shouldnt rule anything out', essentially confirming that even if they aren't in cahoots, they are at least both utter, utter cunts.

Piers Morgan's CNN show premiers tonight.

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