Research shows England to be exclusively populated by Clarkson by 2100

Scientists have revealed shocking evidence that the England of the future will consist purely of hashed together clones of TV’s Jeremy Clarkson.

The culmination of years of research into likely outcomes of the nation’s apparently unstoppable moral decline reveals that Jeremy Clarkson will have populated all of Kent with small versions of himself by 2050.

By 2100 the plague will have completely dominated the entire British Isles in a tour de force attributed largely to Clarkson’s notorious passions for cloning and totalitarian rule.

The four-foot Clarkson clones, or ‘Mini-Clarksons’ as the media has dubbed them, pose an even bigger threat to our wellbeing than paedophiles, terrorists and the Zombie Diana, according to Mail Columnist Jan Moir.

A friend of the controversial homophobe said last night, “Yeah, Jan’s pretty worried about the Clarkson situation.

“I mean, while Clarkson, the singular Clarkson that is, is fine for dinner parties and lynching, can you imagine a whole country full of him?

“It’s going to be a fucking nightmare. You wont be able to move for recently shed hair and poorly built toupees. And the parking situation’s going to be diabolical.

“But then again, as Jan said last night at the local white supremacist meeting, at least there won’t be any immigrants.”

“So… you know…. Every cloud.”

Jan Moir and Clarkson’s book, “Dealing with the minorities” is out later this year.