"Yeah, and what?" agrees coalition.

The coalition Government last night secured a vote of confidence for their controversial “What the fuck are you going to do about it?” Bill.

The bill, designed to end the provision of financial support for teenagers in education through the scrapping of the Education Maintenance Allowance (EMA), won the support of some 317 MPs in a tense evening voting session.

The coalition apparently spent the best part of the voting session sipping virgins’ blood out of diamond shoes in a brazen display of hostility to the denizens of students huddled around placards in Parliament Square, according to Downing street insiders.

"You should have seen the state of them", said the insider. "Vince Cable was the worst. He just kept banging on about how much he hated clever children and then muttering gibberish about eating books.

"The nutter"

Michael Gove reinforced the success of the Bill, which has been criticized as a shallow, transparent attempt to remove the working classes from our nation’s schools, by reciting a Latin satanic invocation, which observers have speculated may be a sign of the impending End Of Days.

Parliamentary commentator Ezekiel Solomon said, “The tendency of the coalition government to use satanic invocations is worrying and, apparently, increasingly prevalent.

“While I understand that in these hard times it may be necessary to ‘think outside the box’, so to speak, I think calling on the prince of darkness to incite the apocalypse may be a bridge too far”

“But then what do I know? Its not like I’ve got to deal with that fucking cunt Clegg is it? Chances are they’re getting a little desperate.”

In closing the voting session, David Cameron took the unprecedented move of omitting a traditional. word-based speech altogether in favour of just laughing maniacally for a minute or two while stabbing a voodoo doll of NUS President Aaron Porter.

...

As the evening progressed the mood outside parliament declined markedly.

The sang froid appeared to be provoked not only by the passing of the bill but also at the perceived impotence of their protest tactics, most of which seemed to revolve around playing loud dubstep on rudimentary party P.A. systems and, in the words of one organiser, “Just sort of dancing around a bit.”

Joshua Chalfon, one of the protest movement’s spokesmen said yesterday, “I don’t really understand how this failed to garner a positive response from the politicians.

“We were blazing some Caspa for a bit, and then some N-type, then, when the vote came to pass, we upped our game and went for a bit of minimal techno...You know, to show the MPS who’s boss and that.”

“And yet, incredibly, nothing.

“Anyone would think that Cameron’s not affected by the awesome power of fresh urban beats or something.”

Rumours that the apparent failure of the tactics will lead to the organisers rethinking their protest strategy are as yet unconfirmed.

However, Mr. Chalfon confirmed that he had “Put together a sick speed garage playlist on Spotify” that he may or may not be planning to play at David Cameron, day in day out for the next 30 weeks or so.

David Cameron was unavailable for comment.