Crack dealers throughout London were rubbing their hands in greedy glee this week at news that The Libertines are set to perform a warm up show for this years Carling Weekend at the Forum, Kentish Town later this month..
The show will mark the first full performance from the band since Carl Barat kicked bandmate Pete Doherty out of the band for being a foul, drug addled lunatic.
The show will mark the first full performance from the band since Carl Barat kicked bandmate Pete Doherty out of the band for being a foul, drug addled lunatic.
Doherty, London's favourite scumbag is known to insist on a swimming pool of freebase cocaine in every rider, an order which respected North London crack dealer John 'Knuckles' Horace is all to eager to provide.
“Yeah, that Doherty's a sick customer,” he said last night. “And his fans are the nang. I remember last time he played, I had to employ like, five little shits from my ends to do the running and that.”
“They fucking love the crack.”
Meanwhile, rumours abound that Doherty will not actually be performing at all, choosing instead to stay in his Marlborough mansion, gently rocking to and fro and whistling old show tunes to himself.
The performance would, in that case be carried out by a series of midgets, artfully decorated to resemble the notoriously pasty, drug addicted songster.
A friend of the star said last night, “Doherty's been working on the midget thing for months now. I lose track of how much paper maché and that we've gone through. His mansion looks like Jim Henson's workshop. Just with more crack and that. You know.”
He added, “The nutter”.
The libertines play the forum on the 25th of August. Register at www.thelibertines.com for tickets.
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