The demented community of Manor House was in a frenzy this morning after news spread that some skint wasters had inadvertently uncovered what is thought to be an old guitar once belonging to Dave Stewart, guitarist and one half of famed musical duo, Eurythmics.
It is known that Stewart once owned a warehouse overlooking the green where the artefact was discovered, which lends some gravity to the claims. Guy Rowlands, a half-wit warehouse dweller, came upon the instrument buried three foot deep in the soil whilst digging a little too deep in search of a discarded wrap.
“I couldn’t fucking believe it” spat the cretin. “And the secret message, it’s a miracle”. The ‘secret message’ he refers to is an etching in the guitar featuring the words ‘The band will play at sundown, 18 September 2010’.
Well-known local opportunist, Damian Bertoncello, has taken custody of the instrument, displaying it at a nearby warehouse where he is charging local music enthusiasts ten pounds a pop to play a song. “It’s a miracle alright” said the entrepreneur / con artist. “Fuck the ‘secret message’, I’m laughing all the way to the bank”.
Local sceptic, Huey Mia, has dismissed the authenticity of the recent relic, exclusively revealing to London Carnage that he “got a photo while that cunt Damian was busy counting his shekels”. Mia later sent the evidence to an unnamed Eurythmics aficionado, although the results of the expert’s examination came back inconclusive.
Clearly determined to disprove the validity of the chiselled communication, the cynical, busybody neighbour deemed the discovery ‘worse than that time that Paul McIntosh thought he’d seen a UFO’, and has begun to picket the warehouse where the guitar is being kept under close surveillance.
Meanwhile, the engraved words have prompted mass delirium, with hundreds descending upon 'The Manor' in hope of catching what promises to be the most memorable gig in history.
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