In a shocking revelation, it emerged last night that the son of God indulged in all ‘Manor’ of sins following his violent moral assault on a usually atmospheric North London party venue last weekend.
Confused revelers were blown away by the celebrity’s shock appearance, confirming his identity only after inspecting his airy footwear and enduring an hour-long tirade of Christian-themed bollocks.
Hazy reports indicate that as the night went on it became clear the surprise guest was not all he claimed to be, rather, the general consensus was that he was a massive cunt.
Luckily for all present, his tedious, self-righteous rambling was cut short when a hardcore Hasidic planted a kiss on his cheek and lured him back to her nearby lair, from which he did not rise until the third day.
One party-goer could recall just about enough to shed faint light on the identity of the disgraced devotee, “Overall she cut a haggard figure despite a very shiny, symmetrical haircut. At first she seemed alright, a few sandwiches short of a picnic and that, but before long she was churning out a string of lewd comments about wanting ‘the body of Christ’, disgusting.”
The debacle reached a bloody conclusion last night, local police were called to a scene of unimaginable horror where the mystery miser had been stoned to death. The authorities are investigating claims that the crime was committed by eleven close friends of the victim, apparently incensed by rumours that she had been paid thirty bags of pork scratchings to remove his holiness from Saturday's party.
The community of neighbouring Stamford Hill are said to be awash with grief at the loss of the assumed member of their congregation.
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