An attempt by altruistically motivated stage hands to do away with seasoned prostitute Lady Gaga backfired in spectacular fashion yesterday when a burning piano failed to kill the 'Papparazzi' star.
Completely undeterred by a veritable wall of flame on her piano, Gaga merely shrugged and continued playing, later attributing the blaze to a publicity stunt in honour of her selling some of her god-awful records or something.
The news pretty much ties up speculation that Gaga, 354, is in fact a flame retardant mutant from outer space and not, as some observers had hypothesised, a person.
“You should have seen her playing away on that burning piano”, said one of the crew.
“We were all watching with baited breath, hoping that the heat would melt one of her outer panels or something, and well... fuck me if she didn't just keep on playing.
“Clearly, it's to take a lot more than a flaming piano to stop the fucker”
Speculation flew around the internet last night as to what could actually kill the incredibly annoying pop sensation.
One blogger recommended “Dipping her in a deep fat fryer before coating her in gaffer tape and feeding her to a bunch of starving wolverines”
Another recommended “Filling her full of helium and then taking her out to sea in the hope that the north Atlantic drift would dash her against the coast of Africa”
Meanwhile, Moors murderer Ian Brady insists that he will do away with Gaga upon his release, providing a glimmer of hope to all who long for a world free of the incredibly annoying hermaphrodite
“Something trite and nauseating” by Lady Gaga is available from itunes
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