Elliott smith will need to be exhumed before record company executives stop flogging his back catalogue of thoughtful, melancholy music, sources close to the folk-corpse have revealed.
Executives at respected Indie label Domino insist that without actually having the corpse of Smith present at every boardroom meeting relating to the fate of his records, they can do “whatever the shitting hell [they] want”.
While this provides some explanation to why they are re-releasing a collection of his more mediocre hits later this year, it does nothing to dispel rumours that all record executives are, in fact, lizard people intent on slowly garrotting the soul out of all music in the name of turning a few cheap bucks.
Rumours that Domino executives in particular are actually 8 foot, blood hungry reptiles were all the rage in the blogosphere earlier last year after it was alleged that the steady stream of hookers seen going into the executives' office were not, in fact for sex, but rather part of an elaborate feeding procedure involving sex workers, blancmange and a large wood chipper.
A spokesman for Domino made the following statement: “Haaaaaahahaahaaaa.. Haahahahahaahahahahahahahha,. Bwaaahhhahahahahaaha hahaha haha. Ha.”
“Where's my hooker gone?”
An introduction to Elliott smith” will be released on the 1st of November on dead hooker records.
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