Dappy from N-Dubz is reportedly under attack from aliens intent on ruining his hitherto unblemished reputation as a clean cut spokesman for the drug-free demographic, according to pals of the star.
News that the half-wit rapper has been fined £5000 for laying waste to his Canary wharf apartment after a string of parties left the £2000 pound a month property “stinking” left the music world reeling yesterday.
Dimitri Berkley of Cunt Weekly called the revelations “Unthinkable.”
“Dappy is a role model for young, urban youths everywhere. To think that such a crisp pillar of society is capable of these sort of foul acts is pretty abhorrent”
A friend of the rapper said yesterday, ”No matter how hard he tries to clean up his image, Dappy always seems to find himself in hot water”
“Just the other day he was down the soup kitchen feeding the homeless and then, like, all of a sudden, someone placed a crack pipe in his hand and he started smashing the place up.”
“Clearly aliens are the only explanation”
Dappy, who has famously never done drugs, swore,had sex or even thought about selling under-weight grams of skunk to children to pay for his crack habit, is insistent that he is not responsible for the various hilarious misdeeds attributed to him.
In a statement yesterday he told reporters “It's sort of like that close encounters of a third kind film. Just a bit more cracky.
“Every night I start out pretty normal like... then before I know it it's 6 hours later, everything's all fucked up and there;s drug paraphernalia everywhere. Needless to say, the aliens responsible for this are fucking cunts.”
“More of the Fucking Same” by N-Dubz is out on Massive Cunt records later this year.
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