The Worst Of Myspace Part 1

I thought being given a kind of A&R job would be quite fun. Listening to music all day, checking out exciting new bands. Yeah! This is the dream... then like with most things, reality kicked in. Wait a minute, aren't pretty much all bands dogshit?
Yes, yes they are.

I have listened to most of the worst bands in the UK at this time and it is not pretty. Imagine this, if bands like the Kooks and Razorlight are the cream that rose to the top, then what did the shit at the bottom look like?

Ladies and Gentleman, I present to you London Carnage's guide to the UK's music scene.

http://www.myspace.com/caudapavonis

If the pulse can be found up Beelzebub's anus then these guys have got their finger firmly on it. A fat goth with luminous dreads, singing poor gothic rock featuring midi pan pipes and face-paint. Warp Records best snap these guys up quick!

http://www.myspace.com/nolegacymusic

"Na, don't worry about tuning the guitars. Serge's silky smooth vocals will carry it." I can't tell if this band are trying for some genius lo-fi remix of the Arctic Monkeys infused with Black Flag's raw energy or if they are shit and just don't have a clue.
Actually... Yep, it's the later isn't it? Definitely.

http://www.myspace.com/anotherlifes

It's always nice to be somebody's second play on Myspace, it gives me the feeling of walking on fresh crisp white fallen snow like those lovely winters from my childhood. Also one of relief that this turd has not been squeezed out upon the world yet. It's the drums that are the real killer on this one, I think he's on lesson number 2 and has about as much timing and feel as.. well, Lars Ulrich.

Still, at least the production is better than Metallica's 'St.Anger'.

http://www.myspace.com/acabinetofcuriosity

True artists, visionaries, great minds who allow ideas to flow freely and purely, or a couple of IT technicians from Manchester acting like idiots on stage behind the safety of stupid masks.
I'll let you decide.

http://www.myspace.com/bluesyska

Bluesy's biography states "I've been a musician for as long as I can remember" can't be that long really or surely he'd be good.
Has he got Alzheimer's?


So there we have it. If any of these acts happen to Google upon this then please don't cry... best to just give up.

Bye for now.